


If Josh Had Knocked

by Joshanddonna



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 21:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18018581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joshanddonna/pseuds/Joshanddonna
Summary: What might have happened if Josh had knocked on Donna’s door in King Corn.





	If Josh Had Knocked

He stood outside donna’s door, contemplating what would happen if he knocked. He knew it was a bad idea. He hadn’t even gathered his thoughts. Was he angry, heartbroken, or both? Did he have a right to be angry? Even if he did, did he have a right to tell her? 

Somewhere along this train of thought, Josh’s hand had become disconnected from his brain and knocked on the door. There was no turning back. He heard her shuffle in her room for a short while before opening the door. He knew Donna well. He knew she must have been contemplating whether or not she would open the door and give him that satisfaction, but she would ultimately decide it was best to be nice. After all, Donna was one of the kindest people he knew. That made it so hard to be mad at her. 

She opened the door in her pajamas, her shiny blonde hair tied into a low ponytail. Her effortless beauty literally took Josh’s breath away for a moment. Admiring her, he forgot to speak.

“Josh?” Donna snapped him out of it.   
For once, Josh didn’t know what to say. What a dumb plan, he thought to himself. I could’ve at least thought of something to say.

It was all too much, and Josh just knew he needed to be close to her. Josh stepped forward, and Donna hesitated, not understanding what was happening. He gave her a look that demolished the guard she had built up against him. He hugged her tight, as if he was trying to convince himself she was still real. Donna slowly brought her hands around his back to reciprocate. She felt tears brimming in her eyes, but she wouldn’t let herself cry in front of him. Not when she was already so vulnerable, and she was still deciding whether or not she was angry with him. 

For the first time in a long time, Josh and Donna felt an empty hole in their hearts being filled. The holes that they left for each other to mend, when Donna left and Josh didn’t chase her. 

*******

Donna had managed to put Josh out of her mind to focus on her career. She felt happy, fulfilled, and most of all, proud. Despite her success, she knew something was missing. Not in a sob in the shower, eat a pint of ice cream way. Something was missing when she heard some silly gossip or a fun fact and she wanted to tell Josh but he wasn’t there. Something was missing when she just wanted to talk to someone who really knew her, inside and out, but Josh wasn’t there.

Josh had a harder time forgetting. This confirmed what most around him already knew, that Josh needed Donna more than she needed him. He missed her, every day. He thought about her every time he got a moment of peace to himself. He thought about her every time he saw someone with shiny blonde hair, and hoped it was her. He thought about all the times he could have kissed her, all the times he could have made it right. He kicked himself for not chasing her when she left, even though he still thought she was wrong to leave. 

*******

They held each other for what felt like forever. They were both afraid to let go, to really face each other. Donna finally got herself together and decided she deserved answers. She finally took the time to examine him. He was disheveled, with dark, heavy circles under his eyes. She knew he wasn’t taking care of himself, and she felt her protective instincts creeping in. She pushed them out quickly, knowing that was not her place to say, at least not right now. “What are you doing here?” She managed. 

“I don’t know.” He mumbled back, staring at the floor. 

“Josh, I’m not doing this. It’s late, i have to go to bed, and I’m not playing games with you.” Donna replied, quickly regretting how harsh her response sounded. 

“Fine.” He turned to walk away, but stopped short of the door. He turned to look her right in the eye. “But you left me. I don’t understand- I don’t understand where this- this thing from you is coming from.” 

She felt the rage deep inside of her rising to new levels. She knew him well enough to know that tone. He was hurting, he felt betrayed, but that did not make up for his complete lack of self awareness. He’s going to come into MY room, give me a hug, say nothing and then YELL at me? Not today, Josh Lyman. 

“This THING? And what might that THING be Josh?” She spat at him. 

He suddenly looked terrified. She knew he regretted it. They just didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. She wasn’t letting him off the hook, though. She stared blankly until he got the nerve to answer her question. 

“You’re mad at me Donna. You’re mad for- I don’t know why the hell you’re mad, but I know that you left me during a literal crisis-“ 

“The White House” Donna interrupted. 

“What?” Josh said.

“I left the WHITE HOUSE Josh. I didn’t leave you. But the fact that you confuse the two is precisely one of the reasons i had to go.” She answered. 

“It doesn’t matter. You left. That’s what matters. I’m the victim”. Josh practically whined, echoing what he told Toby. He knew he sounded pathetic but he didn’t care. He felt pathetic. He felt betrayed by the person he trusted the most, and he didn’t understand why she couldn’t see that. 

“I understand you’re disappointed. I understand that you depended on me. But you have to understand I couldn’t stay where I was forever. If I didn’t do it when I had the courage, I would be answering your phone forever and I didn’t want that for myself Josh. I know it’s hard to believe but I can do more than that-“ 

“Would you stop with that?” Josh interrupted. “Would you stop acting like I didn’t think more of you than that? If you really thought that little of me why did you stay for so long? I didn’t force you to do anything Donna. Nobody forces you to do anything. I was your boss and I had a hard enough time actually being the boss.” 

Donna was pissed. How dare he interrupt her? How dare he pretend like he didn’t know why she would have stayed? For a political genius, he was pretty blatantly obtuse sometimes. “You know why I would have stayed Josh. You knew why i stayed as long as you did and you let me. I know I’m to blame for that but your hands aren’t clean.” She was practically yelling now. 

“Why Donna? Stop dancing around it. You really want to say something, I can tell, so just say what you’re going to say.” He was baiting her. Mostly because he was mad, but also because he wanted to hear out loud, that his feelings weren’t all in his head, that this thing wasn’t one sided, and that maybe she felt the same pain he was feeling. He himself didn’t understand why he had to be so harsh about it, but he knew no other way to get these feelings across. 

“I’m not doing this. Don’t play dumb. Everyone knew what was going on with us. It was embarrassing.” 

“So sorry I embarrassed you” Josh snickered. 

“You know what, get out” Donna replied. She was sick of his attitude. She felt like he came in here looking for answers to questions he already knew, looking to validate his own feelings and mistakes, and she didn’t have time for that. Back when she worked in the White House, she would’ve given him all of her time, but not now. Not tonight. 

“Donna-“ he replied in a much softer tone. “Donna, why? Why are you so angry with me?” Raising his voice during that last question, pleading for answers. 

“Because.” 

“Seriously? That’s what we’re doing? Donna, I know-“ She cut him off. 

“Because I was in love with you, you idiot! You unbelievable, pompous, oblivious jackass.” She yelled. She couldn’t believe what she had just said. She showed all her cards, that was it. 

Josh stared with his mouth open. He felt like he should say something, so something, but as usual, he didn’t know what. He thought of all the times he had fumbled this ball before, and decided he would be damned if he let it happen again. Suddenly, he held her face in his hands and kissed her with the with the fury of someone making up for 8 years of lost time. 

They had solved almost nothing, but in this moment, they both felt that they had found everything. 

“I love you Donna” Josh whispered, in a breath between kisses. In that moment, neither of them cared why they were mad anymore. That was for later, for tomorrow.


End file.
